My Friend Drowns

           Around 1965-66 Livingston built a city reservoir to supply the city with drinking water. Before this time they had been pumping water from a cave and wells. Donald and I would climb the fence to explore the cave. It was fun exploring. I was living the life of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.

            I was also hanging out with Charles and would stay with him sometime. Charles was younger than I, and I was never in the same school as he. I knew him from Church where he attended with Mother and older sister, Genevieve. Genevieve was older enough to drive, so this was our transportation sometime. Charles’s dad was an alcoholic that was in and out of jail. Even though I was friend with Charles and Donald and they both went to the same church that my dad has founded, they never associated with each other. For one thing there was a big age difference; Donald was a couple of years older that I and Charles a couple of years younger. The other thing that kelp them from being friend was that Donald was the popular kid in school, and Charles was an unpopular kid. My time spent with each was separate.

            Charles and I with another kid that I can’t remember his name would go swimming in some different lakes around Livingston. We would swim across the lakes with Charles, who wasn’t a strong swimmer would follow with a tube to give us a safety net. After the city lake was completed, it provided us a larger lake to swim, even though swimming wasn’t allowed in it because it provided the drinking water for Livingston. But that never stopped us. Charles would only get about half way across with the tube while we would reach the opposite side. We would start back and catch up with him before he made it back. We did this every time we went swimming.

            On one occasion Genevieve came by with Charles and his friend on their way to the lake to invite me to go with them. I was busy with Donald, so I declined the invitation. They went to the lake without me. Genevieve didn’t swim and had gone to sunbath while the boys swim. They were making the usual journey across the lake when something went wrong, our friend went down and Charles was too far from him to help. Later that afternoon Genevieve and Charles came by to tell me what happened.

            The next evening Debbie and I went by the funeral home to see him. It was unbelievable that he was gone. I felt that if I had gone with them that this wouldn’t have happened. I was a strong swimmer, but he was better than I. I don’t know what happened!    

Birdie

            Donald and I would hang out at a couple of gas stations at night. We had a friend that worked the late shift so we would go and hang out with him at night. During the night there was little activity, a few people stopping by to get gas. To get gas, you pulled up to the pumps and the gas station attendant would go out and pump the gas for you. No one pumped there own gas, and you didn’t get out unless you were using the rest room, or buy a snack. The gas stations carried a few snacks and cold drinks.

            Often late at night we would use the car lift to work on Donald’s car. It made it convenient to lift the car to change the oil or work on the car. Our friend enjoyed having company while he worked late at night by himself, and we would run errands for food. Often I would nap in the car or on a sofa that was in the station. In cold weather this provided a place to be out of the cold at night.

            In the day time the station had an attendant that went by the nickname “Birdie”, after Tweedy Bird the cartoon character. He was called this because he had a very large head. He was known around town because his looks and he did odd jobs for people. During this time, men would hang out at the court house picking up day work from people. Birdie and another character would hang out at the court house to escort couples that had driven down from Kentucky or Ohio to get married. In Livingston you had no wait period and you could get married at a younger age. These guys would take you through the process, getting your license, VD test, and someone to marry you. You could come to Livingston and in a few hours go home married. The guys charged a fee for their time.

            Birdie worked at the gas station in the afternoons after anyone looking to get married where finish with his duties. He would sleep in a back room after his work hours where finished. On one such night, a gas leak exploded and burned the station. Birdie survived the fire, but was burned and left scared. Afterwards he was unable to work. The town collected money to help him, but he wasn’t seen hanging out at the court house after that.     

My First Car

I’m sixteen and hitchhiking from McMinnville to Livingston every weekend to see Debbie.  I would get out of class at Central High School at 3:00 and hit the road. My hitchhiking was always adventurous, and not usually in a good way. The fifty five mile trip would usually consist of several rides and lots of walking. The police in all the towns from McMinnville to Livingston recognized me and would detain me if they saw me. I often would spend a day of weekend in jail just because they could. Occasionally two or three rides would take me the distance. More often, it would take a lot of short rides and long walks to make the trip. On one such trip, I had walked from school to Gillentines, a small restaurant at the edge of town, a walk of about three mile, when a guy from the Automotive School picked me up.  He lived in Livingston and drove the trip between Livingston and McMinnville everyday to go to school. We made arrangements for me to ride with him to and from Livingston. It also meant that I would stay in Livingston on Sunday nights and ride with him on Monday mornings. It was a perfect arrangement for me.

He drove a gray fifty two Chevy two door sedan. He had the body in show condition with a beautiful shiny charcoal gray paint. He had totally restored the car. He had rebuilt the motor, drive train, breaks, and front end. It was his project in school, but he was a man with a plan. He was getting out of Livingston and going to Detroit to work in the automotive plants. He finished school and got that job with General Motors. I was sadden that I was losing my ride, but I also had got to know him and had gained a lot of respect for his kindness and his ambition, and I was going to miss the time together.

I was working the weekend at Ms. McKnight’s laundry mat in Livingston. Ms. McKnight was a retired nurse from Murfreesboro. She had bought a laundry mat in Livingston. She would come in on Fridays and leave on Sunday Afternoon. She had a back room that I could stay in when she wasn’t there. I would spend my Sunday night in the back room, and this is where I would meet my ride on Monday morning. I would work on any machines that needed repaired on Saturday and Sunday. Between this and other odd jobs, I had saved some money and I was doing okay.

His last day of school was soon there and we were making the final trip to Livingston together. He was finished in McMinnville and would be leaving for his new job with General Motors. He surprised me with saying that he would like to sell the car to me. He was buying a new car with his General Motors discount. It was beyond belief that I would get this car. I had been so dreading losing this ride and going back to hitchhiking. I had ridden with him for a year and had grown use to the security. I also was becoming increasing sick with a tumor and wasn’t sure that I could endure the cold weather. I had not anticipated getting this car. The next day was a Saturday; he came by the laundry mat to sell me the car. He had cleaned and waxed the car. He ash me how much money did I have and I told him two hundred twenty five dollars. He said that is what he would sell the car for. I knew that he was doing me a big favor, because he could have sold it for much more.  I couldn’t believe my luck as I slide in behind the wheel for the first time. Not only was it a beautiful car, but it was a security for me.

No other car has been as exciting to own as this first car, not only because of the car, or that it was the first, but because of the kindness that this person shown in making it possible for me to have it.  When I look back on the years that I was alone and struggling to get by, I realize that I got by as well as I did because of the help of people around me, people that quietly gave me a hand without reveling to me that they were giving me a helping hand.

     

Sparta

            I moved in with Jimmy and Linda in Sparta. It was time for school to start, so I enrolled in White County High School. I had changed schools so often in my life that I knew how to make it work, but I never made any close friends here. I was still going to Livingston to see Debbie, and to McMinnville to see friends. It wasn’t long before I decided that I wanted to change schools, so I transferred to McMinnville. My hitching was becoming a problem for me. Livingston Police had started picking me up anytime that they saw me and putting me in jail. Cookeville, Algood, and Sparta were doing the same. I had got where I had to take back roads to avoid the police. Often I would walk several miles to get out of town before I would try to catch a ride. I also had several incidents with rides; drunks, and people that wanted to hurt me.

Nashville

            During my High School years I spent very little time at home. In my freshman year Daddy and Mama left me with Joann and Joe. I moved back home when we went to Livingston for my sophomore year, and I spent most of the nine months during school at home. It was during this time that Daddy got sick, and we moved back to Campaign. I never spent much time at home after that.

             In the summer between my sophomore and junior year Jimmy was living in Nashville. In Nashville he rented a trailer from a lady that owned a big hotel. It reminded me of the Bates Motel in the Hitchcock movie. She was looking for someone to work on the grounds, so I went to Nashville to work for her after I completed my sophomore year at Livingston. She furnished me a room with a private entrance. She cared for her mother that was bedridden. I worked during the day, and would walk over to Woodbine to visit friends at night, or walk to down town Nashville to hang out.

             The hotel was located on a hill above the state fair grounds. There were stock car races and other events going on at the grounds regularly. We would charge parking at the hotel for the events. I enjoyed Nashville when there was something to do, but often I was along. Jimmy and Linda moved back to Sparta, while I stayed in Nashville. I am not sure if the rest of the family knew that I was living in Nashville along. I wasn’t communicating with anyone at the time. I didn’t have access to a phone that I could use to call, and they didn’t have anyway to call me.  Besides, I didn’t have anything to say if I had called.

             One evening after work, I showered and started walking to Woodbine to see friends, and on the way got lost. It was a long walk, and even though I had been before, I was not real familiar with where I was going. I had left well before dark, but it was now getting dark. I decided that I had better turn around and go home. The Nashville streets can be difficult to learn, and I didn’t know many of the streets. I was lost and didn’t know how to get back.

             After a couple of more hours, I wasn’t any closer to finding my way when a car stopped and ask if I wanted a ride. I told the guy where I was going, and he said that he would take me there. When we got to an area that I recognized, we were going the wrong direction and headed out of the city. I told the man that I wanted out and he wouldn’t stop. He would time his speed as to catch the green lights so that he didn’t have to stop for them. I carried a guitar capo in my pocket that I could use like brass knuckles, so I slipped it on my hand, and waited for my chance to escape. As we approached a light, he had to slow down while the traffic in front of him started moving through the light after it had turned green. He wasn’t going to stop, but he had got slow enough that I made my move. I hit him beside the head as hard I as could with the capo in my fist. It knocked him aside, and I jumped out of the car into traffic. He was nothing he could do but go, and that is what he did. He went through the light and turned around to come back after me. I ran for all I was worth. I was on the Murfreesboro Road, so I knew how to get back to the hotel, but it was a long walk back, but I was not going to take another ride tonight. I watch for him as I walked back to the hotel. The shy was getting light as I made it back. I had been gone for twelve hours, and had been walking most of that time. I was beat, so I went to bed and slept all day.

             That evening I packed my bag, quit my job, and headed to Sparta. It was dark by the time I got on the road. I soon got a ride with a truck driver that took me all the way to Sparta. I was after midnight when I got to Sparta, where I walked the couple of miles to his house. He wasn’t home, so I walked another couple of miles to the Sparta hospital, and slept in the waiting room.

Cold Night and Empty House

             My freedom of moving between home, Joann, Jimmy, Billy, and Livingston continued. I would leave on Fridays after school and hitch hike to Livingston. I would go to see Debbie at Livingston Academy High School. I knew the school because I had attended it as a sophomore, so I would walk right in and make myself at home. Debbie and I would make plans on how we were going to do. I didn’t have transportation so that presented a problem. Often Debbie would go to her best friend Diane’s house, so I could go there to be with her. I would leave when they went to bed, which was usually late,

             I didn’t have anywhere to go when I left. Sometimes I would find Donald. If I didn’t find Donald, then I would find a place to sleep. I had several choices. One was one in my friend’s family rental houses that were empty. I would walk the couple of miles to one of those. They never knew I was sleeping in their houses. If they had, they wouldn't have cared, but would have been upset that I didn’t come and stay with them.

           The houses were never locked, so I could go right in. There was no electric or heat on in the houses. I would huddle in the corner of a room in the dark with my knees pulled up under my chin. This way I could have my legs under my coat to keep warm. This is the way I would sleep. Sleep was often hard to find. I was sick and cold. I thought that I might me found dead in their house when they were showing it to rent. I would eventually fall to sleep from being weak and exhausted. Once I was asleep, I was out, dead to the world. I would wake up cold and stiff.

            At this time in my illness, my breathing was becoming much labored. When I did go home, Mama would check to see is I was still alive if she couldn’t hear me breathing. My breathing had become so loud that it could be heard in the next room.

            My energy level was getting poor. When I was home I would sleep for more that twenty four hours. I was not eating much, I had lost my appetite, and I often had limited access to food. By the time I turned seventeen, I was under a hundred pounds. I was sleeping a lot at school. In study hall I would be asleep within five minutes of going to class. The teacher was understanding and wouldn’t let anyone wake me. Everyone knew I was sick, and we had just lost a class mate to a brain tumor. The teachers would get on to her for having a headache, they though she was faking it. She stop coming to class and died shortly afterwards. So when I got sick, I was treated well at school. It didn’t hurt that I never complained, and my illness was showing up physical.

Campaign

            Our move back to Campaign was bittersweet. I was glad to be back where I had spent many of my younger years, but the reason for being back was not good. Daddy was in bad shape and I was sick also. However, at this time I had not shared it with anyone. I knew that I had a tumor, and my self diagnosis was that it was cancer. I was reading everything that I could find on cancer and I knew that it was a real possibility. The other problem was that we had just lost our income, so buying food was a problem, seeing a doctor was certainly out in my mind.

            I had also left friends in Livingston, including my girl friend. All this combined with the independence I had gained from being away from Daddy and Mama was real upsetting. I had always clashed with Mama and now she was the one telling me what to do, and doing so without Daddy being able to back her. It wasn’t going to work.

 

            Mama was going to control those around her, and I was not going to be the one she conquered. I had always been the one that she would take her anger out on. I would be punished for things that she knew that I hadn’t done. I developed a strong opposition against all injustices. I also had a high tolerance for pain, so she couldn’t beat me into submission. I would stand and take it and not cry. This would only make her madder and she would beat me more.

            I also was the one that was expected to do all the work. I would get up at four AM to feed the cattle and milk two cows. By the time I was finished and come in the house, the rest of the family would be finishing breakfast. I wouldn’t have time to eat before I got ready for school. Jerry was twenty months younger than I, and always too young to help; although I had been milking for years.

            I didn’t realize it so much at the time, but I was getting a lot of anger built up inside me. It was on a Friday that I had hitch hiked home from school, the school bus took too long getting to Campaign from McMinnville, and I wanted to get chores done and go to Livingston to see Debbie. After feeding the cattle and milking the cows, I informed Mama that I was going to Livingston. I had a bag packed and was walking out the door. She said that I couldn’t go, that I was the one that had to do the milking. I said that I was going anyway, so she tried to hit me. I grabbed her arm and restrainer her. This was the first time any of us went against her. I walked out and headed for the highway to catch a ride.

            The main highway was about a mile and a half from the house. I used my usual mode of transportation: hitch hiking. I didn’t return home for a couple of weeks. I had stayed in Livingston for the weekend and returned to stay with Joann. No one ever brought it up, but I am sure that Mama had told them. After that I came and went when I wanted. I fell back into a pattern of staying where every. It was also the start of sleeping in the junk yards and abandon houses. This skill developed into a confidence of finding places to stay. I learned that hospital waiting rooms, all night launder mats would provide a warm place to stay. I used hospitals and launder mats in several towns including Murfreesboro and Nashville.

            During this time I was getting increasing ill. I was losing weight and my breathing had become restricted. The people around me were becoming aware that something was wrong with me. I wasn’t staying in anyone place long enough for them to get an indication of how sick I really was. I had resigned myself to not living to become an adult.